look no pants
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
