I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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