She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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