So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
