I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
