don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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