if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
