Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
