Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
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