Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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