...so i touched it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
