one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
