Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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