Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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