I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
