If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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