drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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