I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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