I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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