I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
