i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We have started to decorate penises.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
