You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
