"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
