When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
