Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
