I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
