I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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