Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
