i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
