when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
