Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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