hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
