Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
