Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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