And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
