i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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