Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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