Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
