Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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