Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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