My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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