For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
