Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
