Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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