i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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