the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
