No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
