I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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