i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
