so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
