Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
