I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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