Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
