Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
