Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
