It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
