Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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