I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
