He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
