Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
