I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You made out with two different species that night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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